A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
