I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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