his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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