What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
