I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
