I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
