somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
