i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
