Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
