I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
