didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
