wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
