We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
