Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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