I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
