idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
