your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
