I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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