oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize