last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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