My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
