I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
