she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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