On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
