there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
