There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
