6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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