so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
