another moral hangover. fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize