You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
