i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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