No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
