Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
