You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
