i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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