All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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