I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
