My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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