Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize