he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
