Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
