Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
