we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
