I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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