it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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