3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
