Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
