apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
