and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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