I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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