i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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