No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
