Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
