I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
