Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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