Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
