I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
