when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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