True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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