tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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