OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
