it hurts more in the daytime
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
