i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
