uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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