If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
