I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the liver wants what the liver wants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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