I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
