It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
