I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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