so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
