Everything about him screamed your future.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i came on her dog
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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