It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
