Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
