I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
