You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
